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  • The Twelve Days of Christmas, updated

    2012 - 12.23

    There’s so many things that once done, can never really be improved upon. The majority of Christmas Carols would fall into that category.

    Even though they can’t be improved upon, they certainly can inspire some updates, so I give you . . .

    The Twelve Gays of Christmas

    On the First Day of  Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Second Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Third Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Three French Wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Fourth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Fifth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Sixth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Seventh Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Seven sailors swimming
    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Eighth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Eight maids-a-cleaning
    • Seven sailors swimming
    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Ninth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Nine twinks-a-dancing
    • Eight maids-a-cleaning
    • Seven sailors swimming
    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Tenth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Ten Baskit boxers
    • Nine twinks-a-dancing
    • Eight maids-a-cleaning
    • Seven sailors swimming
    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Eleventh Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • Eleven drag queens bitching
    • Ten Baskit boxers
    • Nine twinks-a-dancing
    • Eight maids-a-cleaning
    • Seven sailors swimming
    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

    • A twelve step recovery program
    • Eleven drag queens bitching
    • Ten Baskit boxers
    • Nine twinks-a-dancing
    • Eight maids-a-cleaning
    • Seven sailors swimming
    • Six Grey Goose Vodkas
    • Five Diamond Rings! (2 ct, vs1, e color)
    • Four calls from Cher
    • Three French wines
    • Two round trip tickets, and
    • A gift from Tiffany’s.

    Today’s Gay Agenda: Had to drag this one out for a re-run. Hope you enjoyed.

    Tags: , ,

    20 Responses to “The Twelve Days of Christmas, updated”

    1. Profile photo of Grandma Grandma says:

      Yup. That proves it. I’m a gay man. Tell my husband about the Tiffany’s part!

      Report user
    2. Profile photo of Katydid Katydid says:

      LMAO…that was hilarious.
      I have to admit, I hadda Google Baskit boxers though. 😉

      BTW…if your true love is gonna give you Eleven drag queens bitching, you might wanna rethink the relationship. One or two of those would be plenty. 😉

      Report user
    3. opinionated says:

      Couldn’t stomach reading the queer tripe lyrics. Whether you’re religious or not, Christmas is not just another day, it’s a celebration of a very short season where ‘most’ people try to go outside their box and attempt to at least act like they have a few threads of decency still running thru their veins. It’s too bad it wears off so fast though. It’s a time that should be about giving, not receiving. It should be about spreading happiness, not bad attitudes. It should be about instilling values in our children and society, not about cynical and mindless rhetoric. Leave it to you squirrel to go out of your way to try and diminish it with something like this flaunting your value system. Our family spent the past week outside of work and school doing volunteer work packing and delivering food packages, wrapping gifts, and shopping for less advantaged kids. It was a blast and many new fond memories and relationships were formed. You I’m sure spent it trying to be an exhibitionist and flaunting your queer agendas publically since that’s obviously all you relate to. Well at least you didn’t let us down, and you did live up to your full potential.

      • Profile photo of Mac Mac says:

        It’s not often I say something like this: I think you’re a liar. I don’t think you have the moral character to do anything if it doesn’t somehow benefit Opie.

        It does not go unnoticed that your remarks are filled with directions as how things ‘should’ be, in order they meet your expectations.

        Opie, you are a turd in the Christmas party punch-bowl. Lighten up. Get over yourself. Get a girlfriend or a boyfriend and try replace some of the venom flowing through your veins.

        • opinionated says:

          Doesn’t really matter. I enjoy giving and especially this time of year. I enjoy giving Giving tree gifts, I enjoy wrapping presents along with my kids, and my kids love doing food pantry work. Believe it or not you jkust made an even bigger ass of yourself than usual. And you are still human cull who posted a piece of queer trash above…:-)

          • Profile photo of Mac Mac says:

            Opie, of course you’d be the exception . . . .

            It’s been my experience that:

            a) People who sincerely volunteer in the community don’t use phrases like ‘human cull’ when talking about other humans. Even annoying homos.

            b) People who sincerely volunteer in the community don’t spend huge amounts of time on gay blog pages telling everyone about it.

            Your presumption that Ricky and I do not make a difference in the community is amusing.

      • Les says:

        Opie, you are the ultimate hypocrite. I agree with Mac. I don’t believe you or your family ever volunteered for anything, and you have the most vile,hateful attitude of anyone who posts on this blog.

        • opinionated says:

          Good, then mission accomplished. If the queer author of this disgrace wasn’t always looking for ways to trash Christians and the Right side I wouldn’t have much to say. But it makes me smile to know I bother you.

      • Heidi says:

        Opie, if you are all about giving and not receiving, you would give Mac a break.

        And no, Christmas is not about a “celebration of a very short season.” It is the celebration of our God who humbled himself to become a human infant, and then humbled himself even more 33 years later to die in order to save the human race. Human decency is something that should exist every day. You don’t have it, by the way you keep trolling Mac’s blog. It’s like you have an obsession with him or something. Not unlike Fred Phelps.

        I am a Christian, but I do not appreciate what people like you are doing with the names “evangelical” and “Christian” and I also have no time for the “Right side.” The Religious Right is neither, and people like you make me ashamed and angry and often on the defensive among those who think all Christians are like you. Jesus would not troll like you are. As far as your “charity work,” didn’t Jesus tell us to not even let our left hand know what the right hand was doing, and not brag about our deeds? Good works don’t get you to heaven, you know.

        Be Christ, not just this season, but every day–be decent and dignified, not hateful and self-righteous.

        • opinionated says:

          Heidi,

          I’m happy for you if you are a Christian, but facts are I am far from it myself. I do have several friends who are and know a great number of people who are for which I have the utmost respect, but I do not share their beliefs.

          From my shoes Christmas is a very short season. Unfortunately most people don’t feel the spirit to give or help others most of the year. However, whether for sincere reasons or just going with the flow, for a few weeks every year many actually do try to have a little more heart than usual. To me this is everything. This is when we try to take advantage of their lapse in character and milk it for all its worth and have charitable drives. Hit em when they have their guard down?
          Sorry don’t have any idea who Fred Phelps is?

          As far as trolling the squirrel’s blog goes, I try to make the time on occasion to remind him the majority of Americans who he trashes so often do not appreciate he or his putrid comments, and that we’d prefer he leave. I can’t believe the Forum allows his filth to be published, so I enjoy bothering him where most normal people who hate him just turn away. It doesn’t do much for me but does make me smile when someone pushes back when he goes too far. And yes I think he is human cull for the despicable way he is mocking Christmas here. If you were truly a Christian, which I somewhat doubt thinking about your comments, you wouldn’t be aligned with him or this thread?

          If your last sentence was sincere I’ll bow to you and tip my hat. But I don’t think I’ll have to do that since I don’t know of any Christians who would troll this putrid site either, let alone align themselves with this exhibitionist group. If you do, then you don’t seem to fit the mold of the group you claim to follow.

          • Profile photo of Mac Mac says:

            Actually Opie, TGA runs in several papers. Please don’t reserve your disdain only for the Forum.

            Perhaps if you were to have an original thought, rather than spewing your very tiresome ‘I hate fags and the people who like them’ snoozefest, you may have a newspaper or two interested in what you have to say.

            Dammit, a flying pig just hit my upstairs window.

    4. Laura says:

      Sad, pitiful Opie ~ your post reveals your real Christmas spirit. ” Well, at least you didn’t let us down. “

    5. Profile photo of Ms. C Ms. C says:

      A classic in the making – LOVE IT!!!! 😉

      Report user
    6. Stephan says:

      A good laugh for sure, but I think you are dating yourself with this one:

      Four calls from Cher

      I mean, isn’t she on social security by now ???

      Disclaimer: I have a crush on Mariah Carey.

      Merry Christmas!

      • Profile photo of Mac Mac says:

        Thanks! Merry Christmas to you too. I don’t even know who the current gay pop icon is. Katy Perry? Adele? Taylor Swift?

        • Kayla says:

          Oh Mac,
          I love how up to date you are on everything GLBTQ except for the current gay pop icon! 😀 That just makes me smile. There are actually a couple right now. Lady Gaga will always be a big icon for the gay/lesbian community along with Katy Perry (I was proud of you for that one!) But you can always go back to classics like Cher and Barbara Streisand. And if you really want to get into GLBTQ groups we could even metion The Scissor Sisters, Sara Bareilles, and Imogen Heap. Anway, now that I have given you a little pop update (of which will probably change in the next 3 months as all music does) I will wish you a Merry Christmas and hope that all is grand and merry in the Brad and Mac household!

    7. Michael says:

      Wow, If my bf gave me even 1 drag queen bitching let alone 11 of them I would die XD I’ll just have more sailors please 😀

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