Depressed doesn’t even begin to describe the horrors we’re having to endure as a result of the recent economic downturn.
It’s long established that guys like us do not suffer well. My idea of camping is staying at the Holiday Inn.
In any case, we’ve had to make some adjustments to our standards of quality in regard to our manic acquisition of consumer goods and services.
- We had to forgo the purchase of “All-Clad” cookware and settle for “Mostly-Clad”
- We’re now using “Creme Brulee’ Helper” to make dessert.
- My semi-weekly botox treatments in a medical doctor’s office have been replaced by the purchase of “beau-talks” an excruciatingly potent analgesic cream that numbs all the nerves in your face so your wrinkles don’t appear if your face moves. It comes with a recommendation that you notify your employer what you’re doing since it will appear you’re slurring your speech and could be considered intoxicated.
- The monthly appointment at Billy Jax Back Wax has been replaced by a pitcher of martinis and a good friend with a roll of duct tape.
- Sniffer’s monthly grooming was replaced with a clipper that cost exactly the same as one trip to ‘Pretty Puppy Parlor‘. He looks like he fell in a mulcher, but he’ll be fine.
- My hair-cut every four weeks routine appointment was replaced with a clipper that . . . . never mind. One can only suffer so much.
Today’s Gay Agenda: Ask Ricky if he would be willing to contribute to the household standard of living by allowing me to use Sniffer’s clipper to maintain his coiffure.