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  • Ex marks the spot

    2011 - 02.01

    Today’s blended families present all kinds of challenges. Not the least of which is how to define relationships.  Humans seem to have this innate need to label and categorize the reasons two people are together and often cannot seem to move on to other things until they understand why two  people are hanging out together.

    Ricky’s ex Ethel and I get along very well, and in fact for the most part always have.  It’s the people around us who seem to struggle until they figure out that we’re not going to start a cat-fight every time we’re in the same room together.

    One of our very first appearances at the same function was at the birthday party a number of years ago for a dear mutual friend.  It was at a lovely home in the correct neighborhood, with a manicured lawn that nearly rivaled mine.   Ricky and I made our way through the buffet and bar and were enjoying party-chat on the back patio.  Our lovely hostess, Drucilla stepped outside and quietly asked me to remain on the patio for the remainder of the party, as Ethel was inside circulating amongst the guests. She didn’t want people to be uncomfortable.

    I was so shocked at her request that I dropped my fake baccarat wine glass filled with 2-Buck-Chuck red wine, splashing all over her newly acquired, two-sizes-too-small-thrift-store-I’m sure, cotton-like skirt.

    Just kidding about the wine, but dead serious about the stay out of the house remark.

    Since we never get invited back to Drucilla and Simon’s house, our relationship has deteriorated into the occasional bump-in-to-each-other at various public functions.  I never miss an opportunity to catch Drucilla’s eye and smile at her with that same squinty-eye, sickly smile one gets when he climbs out of the pool and steps into a pile of doggie poo in front of a yard full of guests.  I then say “Hiiiii,  Drucillaaaa; hiiiii Sighhhh-monnnn” in the most nasal saccharin syrupy voice I can muster. Then I flash them a mega-watt smile worthy of Farrah Fawcett and continue on my way.

    I don’t know why they don’t invite us back.

    Today’s Gay Agenda: Be glad all this relationship defining is behind us and that we’ve settled into a really great group of friends—–many of which include husbands we have no intention of stealing away from their wives. Still thinking about plotting the downfall of society, though.

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    One Response to “Ex marks the spot”

    1. Misty Johnson says:

      I sincerely hope you didn’t honor Druci’s request to remain on the patio!!!! hahahahaha

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