Fall Fashion event

One of the responsibilities I’ve assumed by writing TGA is to dispense fashion and grooming advice to straight guys, and gay guys who just can’t figure it out.

For the straight guys who say “I don’t want to look like no homosexshul” I have three words for you . . .

Yes you do.

Starting from the top:

If you’re going to color your hair, take it a shade lighter than you used to be and keep it up. Otherwise, stop it. Women with gray roots look like they haven’t had time to get to the hairdresser. (Okay I’m giving you a pass, girls. Step it up) Men with gray roots look pathetic and kind of dumb.

If you’re going to color your beard, 2 shades lighter than you used to be. Black beard is a fun Pirate character, in guy world–people laugh behind your back.

Women sometimes, men almost ALWAYS . . . keep the hair-style they had when they felt the best about themselves.

I realize the mullet is flattering and makes you look like you have a football player neck.

It also makes you look like trailer trash in 2011.

I have a martini and mourn the loss of my favorite hair-cut, the mullet on a regular basis. Have a beer and shed a tear. It’s over.

(I stopped the Shaun Cassidy feathered look in 1982 and haven’t looked back.)

Your comb-over isn’t fooling anyone. See comment about Blackbeard above to know what your dearest friends as well as every stranger on the street is doing.

Go longer, go shorter, do something. For a clue what to do . . . look in catalogs and magazines at what haircuts guys your age have. Then try it.

You know what’s the difference between a good hair-cut and a bad hair-cut in guy world?

About 2 weeks.

Today’s Gay Agenda: Moving on down, what to keep top of mind when selecting shirts. Here’s a hint . . . banded waistbands only make guys 6’2″ and 142 lbs look trim. Every other man on earth looks like a muffin on a popsicle stick when he wears one.

*I did not address highlights because if you are a man and currently have highlights, you are beyond help*

10 thoughts on “Fall Fashion event”

  1. Fashion is trendy and expensive, style is affordable and timeless. One of my favorite quotes from Dappered.com It’s not fair to say that gay guys are the only guys who give a care to what they wear, I like to look good for my wife.

    1. Kory, how true. Men have it so much easier in that a quality pair of wool-blend, flat front pants can carry you through 10 years or more. I had an important photo taken in which I wore a 10 year old Eddie Bauer white cotton shirt because the quality and style is impeccable. Plus you look good in clothes you feel good in.

      BTW, I think it’s a sign of a healthy relationship when you still try to look hot for the one you love.

    1. A, I”ve had a super-short corporate wonk hair-cut for about 10 years and am venturing out into a longer, Brad Pitt look. Doing a whole personal brand reinvention thing.

      Every time a wisp flings out behind my ear toward my neckline I long for my mullet! And my highlights. Sighhhh . . . . .

  2. The facts are queers only think they’ve cornered the market on fashion sense. In this case not making it as a man leads any port in a storm mac to try acting like a fashion queen.

    1. Opie, I’ve been worried about you!

      Struggling for new material?

      How ’bout telling us what you’ll be sporting this fall? Thinkin’ about getting a perm in the mullet? Gonna get some new styling gel to keep the comb-over from flying up in the October/November wind? Gonna drain the 401k and get a hair transplant harvested from the boys ‘downstairs’?

      Okay, time to stop. That was fun.

      I’ve been busy, but I’m going to share pointers for buying shirts that don’t make your gut look worse than it already does. (here’s a hint: sweaters almost ALWAYS have horizontal stripes. Careful!)

    2. To tell you the truth, most straight men I know learned their supposed innate fashion sense from gay men. My boyfriend and brothers take all of their fashion tips from their “queer” friends (really? that’s the only slur you could come up with?). I’m sorry you feel threatened by how nice everyone else looks. I’m also sorry you think that gay men somehow haven’t “made it” as men. In this case, not making it as a man leads any port in a storm, Opinionated, to commenting on an awesomely open man’s blog about how unhappy he is with his own life.

  3. I love reading your blog. It gives me a little pick up and on a many occasions a good laugh! I most certainly agree with your style tips and that men shouldn’t have highlights. Enjoy your day!

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