One of the responsibilities I’ve assumed by writing TGA is to dispense fashion and grooming advice to straight guys, and gay guys who just can’t figure it out.
For the straight guys who say “I don’t want to look like no homosexshul” I have three words for you . . .
Yes you do.
Starting from the top:
If you’re going to color your hair, take it a shade lighter than you used to be and keep it up. Otherwise, stop it. Women with gray roots look like they haven’t had time to get to the hairdresser. (Okay I’m giving you a pass, girls. Step it up) Men with gray roots look pathetic and kind of dumb.
If you’re going to color your beard, 2 shades lighter than you used to be. Black beard is a fun Pirate character, in guy world–people laugh behind your back.
Women sometimes, men almost ALWAYS . . . keep the hair-style they had when they felt the best about themselves.
I realize the mullet is flattering and makes you look like you have a football player neck.
It also makes you look like trailer trash in 2011.
I have a martini and mourn the loss of my favorite hair-cut, the mullet on a regular basis. Have a beer and shed a tear. It’s over.
(I stopped the Shaun Cassidy feathered look in 1982 and haven’t looked back.)
Your comb-over isn’t fooling anyone. See comment about Blackbeard above to know what your dearest friends as well as every stranger on the street is doing.
Go longer, go shorter, do something. For a clue what to do . . . look in catalogs and magazines at what haircuts guys your age have. Then try it.
You know what’s the difference between a good hair-cut and a bad hair-cut in guy world?
About 2 weeks.
Today’s Gay Agenda: Moving on down, what to keep top of mind when selecting shirts. Here’s a hint . . . banded waistbands only make guys 6’2″ and 142 lbs look trim. Every other man on earth looks like a muffin on a popsicle stick when he wears one.
*I did not address highlights because if you are a man and currently have highlights, you are beyond help*