Major victory for Marriage

This is some pretty exciting news:

Tens of thousands of gay people have been working tirelessly to abolish all state and federal laws that provide legal and tax benefits to straight people.

Fortunately, their efforts were thwarted today when the senate judiciary committee voted along party lines to maintain those laws as is, along with extending the legal protection to all couples in committed relationships, not just ones who pretend to agree to follow fundamentalist Christian doctrine until the marriage becomes inconvenient and then get divorced.

No word if they’ve issued a position regarding forcing churches to let men in big white dresses hold big parties in their church buildings lest they lose their even bigger tax-exempt status.

Stay tuned.

Rumor has it the angry homos are now going to focus on making divorce illegal as a way to shore up traditional marriage. When contacted for comments, they said they were confident in the support of this effort from fundamentalist Christians as well as the Catholic church.

After all, homos don’t end marriages. Divorce does.

Today’s Gay Agenda: Yeah, see how that goes. 🙂

2 thoughts on “Major victory for Marriage”

  1. I love the idea of making divorce illegal. It reminds me of Chris Rock’s solution to handgun homicide: legalize all guns but make ammunition cost $5,000 / bullet.

    Here’s another idea. Being that fundamentalist Christian dogma is used to oppose same-sex marriage, in addition to restricting marriage to hetero couples, let’s see that only fundie straights can get married.

    Churches already practice this restriction. Many pastors require pastoral premarital counseling for couples or they won’t perform the service. Got to make sure you are gittin’ hitched for the right reasons. Gotta prevent you from getting divorced, don’t cha know?

    But which flavor of Christianity would qualify for marriage? I would really enjoy that debate. “Mainstream Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, Reformed? So sorry. You don’t believe in the “sanctity of marriage” (wink wink) because you don’t hate homos nearly enough. So no marriage for you. Buddhist, Hindu, Natavist, Indigenous People? Same answer.”

    But aren’t there variants of fundamentalism in Christianity? There are Northern Baptists in addition to Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, Pentecostals, Millenarists, Apocalyptics, and don’t even get started on all the “Frees” as in “free of any regional organization.”

    If you wonder if the fight over who is pure enough to wed would be entertaining, don’t. We’re witnessing that fight now and I am sicked by it. Damned hypocrites.

  2. @Mac and TheStig: You’ve both nailed the situation to perfection! Will this change the hearts or minds of the Homophobic Haters? Not likely. They’ve traded in their hearts and minds for a Foaming Fanatical Fervor known as “By God, I MUST be better than SOMEBODY!!!”

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