A very common piece of feedback I get writing TGA is that whatever we call it, what Ricky and I have WILL NEVER BE A MARRIAGE!
(I choose to ignore that I know of one individual who screams this that happens to be divorced, yet considers himself an authority on marriage)
So rather than simply considering these guys idiots and shutting them down, I spent yesterday afternoon thinking about what a marriage really is.
My perspective comes from my Grandparents’ combined 120 years of marriage; my parents’ 40 years of marriage and Ricky’s parents’ 55 years of marriage.
In the years since women have not been considered personal property and fathers sold their daughters to whomever paid the highest dowry; or marriages were arranged for political or social gain; or since the idea of a Bible based marriage changed from having as many wives as one could afford and getting some nookie from a concubine or two; I think ‘traditional’ marriage now means something like:
- One or both of you has to make some tough choices in regard to climbing the corporate ladder. And being secure enough in each other to know that a heinous travel schedule or even a short-term relocation is a price that needs to be paid, and has nothing to do with love for each other.
- Your partner tells you after your second heart attack that if he ever sees you with a cigarette again, you will not have to worry about dying of a third heart attack.
- You make friends with the ex’s because you share kids and grandkids and not everything is about you.
- Having enough mutual respect to invite the other to relax while you go to grab the nose/ear hair clipper to prevent the other from public humiliation.
- Having zero jealousy about the tens of thousands of people dated (and all that involves) before we met.
- Knowing who is good at what and staying out of each other’s way.
- Not piping up when the other gets acknowledgment for your accomplishment.
- Staying home when the other is sick rather than attending the fab event.
- Having a sparkling clean home when the other returns from a business trip.
- Eating weird recipes without too many snarky comments.
- Biting your tongue when your step-kids do something stupid. Likewise when you know a checkbook was relieved of significant funds because a kid needed/wanted something.
- Having mutual goals and vision. Liking enough of the same things to have fun together and enough different things to keep the individuality you found so attractive in each other.
- Sharing socks, shampoo and an occasional shirt. Nothing else.
- Knowing a closed bathroom door means a closed bathroom door.
- Loving each other’s sisters even though they’re all quite insane.
- Pretending you don’t notice the extra 10 lbs someone puts on every year about this time.
- Pretending that you don’t notice that even though the weight hasn’t changed, none of the real estate is located where it was ten years ago.
- Glancing at someone across a room and wondering who that dreamboat is and then realizing it’s your spouse. (still happens. quite often. love it)
- Knowing that in spite of someone’s eyes following someone across the room, he’s coming home with me, and a good time will follow.
- Knowing there is not one thing that could be said or done that would ever in a gazillion billion years change our love for each other.
Today’s Gay Agenda: Whatever you wanna call it, I love what Ricky and I have. Now, if I could just buy one of those contracts providing legal and tax benefits state governments sell to couples wiling to pay a fee, we’d have it made.