Every zillionaire made his money with an okay idea and phenomenal timing. IÂ think I’ve found my ticket to financial heaven:
GAY NURSING HOMES
Modern medical advances have made it possible for the livers of severely alcoholic homosexuals to last well into old age. We all quit smoking years ago when it became passe, so the (sad?) reality is we’re going to need long-term care in our old age.
Here’s what I have in mind for the boys who have managed to not spend every penny they have on botox and Baccardi:
A crisp, contemporary environment with soft pinkish flattering indirect lights.
A staff that goes through an interview process not unlike a Miss America pageant: talent competition, interview, swimsuit competition (voted on by the residents, of course).
Cardiovascular Aerobic exercises that involves circling the wheelchairs around the employee workout gym and simply watching until appropriate heart rate is achieved.
A dining room with an adjoining classy martini bar and a trashy dance club with music that has a thumping, heart regulating beat.
Transportation services that involve a fleet of Mercedes SL 500’s with a cherry-picker type apparatus incorporated into the retractable hard top that will pluck us out of our wheel chairs and plop us into the drivers seat.
And finally, a funeral plan that will include a Mardi-Gras like bash at the end of every memorial service, no additional charge.
Today’s Gay Agenda: Start lining up investors.